So it begins. Monday the 29th I started my 15 day regimine of radiation at Hunterdon Medical Center. Radiation itself wasn't so bad as it lasted only about 20 minutes and was generally painless. I'm sporting new tatoo's on my chin, neck, chest and rib cage so I'm sowing my oats feeling kind of manly and all until about 8pm. Then it's like I have a 10 lb. brick in my chest, can't catch my breath, feeling pain in my fingers, hands, feet and joints and extremely tired. So it begins again and this is only day 1. I'm into this battle 5 months now and many of you have been with me for the whole ride thank you. Unfortunately I feel like I'm starting to break down mentally and that has been one of the strengths that has gotten me this far. Radiation while painless is an unknown. Chemo I could see and feel and felt comfortable it was something I could dominate. I no longer have that feeling. Radiation can cause other cancers like lung cancer or attack major organs including your heart. That unknown X factor scares me. I could handle losing a battle to a cancer that attacked my body, not sure I could handle losing a battle to radiation that destroyed my healthy organs. I know I wouldnt be ok with that. So it's wait and see for now and that's cool with me. As always I have all of you for support and that get's me through. I have 14 treatments over the upcoming 3 weeks that will accumulate and get worse and worse making me weak and sickly. They may have to burn out my windpipe to the point I won't be able to swallow or eat. I'm ready for it and loading up the calories now best I can. There isn't any way they're putting a feeding tube down my throat and I've communicated that to my Radiologist quite clearly and I think he's feeling the pressure as he was a shade pale white yesterday. Haha no I wouldn't but he doesn't need to know it I like the pressure it kind of gives me a leg up. He got me yesterday as I lay motionless in my radiation mold inside the machine he got on the intercom and said " so how bout them Met's "........jackass!
Thanks Everybody.
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2 comments:
billy,
you can do this. remember how you felt before chemo? it's all the same, (and i am not saying it doesn't suck) but you came out of that a champ you will master this too. positive thinking. you got this & it's not going to take you down!!!!
all my love,
domenica
Yo Billy - You're rounding third and headin' home on this deal! Hang in there and hang tough. You just might have to put a hurtin' on that catcher (radiation) and knock it out of the game.
Stay well. Rest assured, as always our prayers and thoughts are with you.
--Rob
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