a new year

We apologize for not updating the blog recently, but as you know, "life gets in the way".

Billy has had a couple of tests since we last updated, and passed them with flying colors. Although he still is having a hard time, they believe he is well on the way to recovery.

His white count is still very low and therefor he has a hard time fighting the winter germs floating about. Two weeks ago, Janie, the obsessive dog, got sick. Then followed Sam my youngest, then Jessica, and of course then Billy. Unfortunately, Billy is still sick 2 weeks later and now has a nasty case of Bronchitis. He has been taking medication, and the special juices I make him every morning. Hopefully with a little more rest, he can kick it soon.

The doctors have found that he has some pretty nasty nerve damage due to the level of treatments he was on. Nothing can be done for it, we just have to hope it settles down.

His hair is back :) , and he is back to his normal weight. His strength and endurance are still a constant struggle. We hear it can be 6 months to a year, before you are completely back to your old self. Billy is still on the run as he always has been, we just find that he hits a wall a lot earlier and harder then before this all began.

Billy is back to bowling this year, and also coaching Jessica's Basketball team. With Spring just around the corner, we hope to see him on the ball field where he belongs.

He will continue with tests every 3 months, then every 6 months. The two significant goal marks are the 2 year mark and the 5 year mark... that's when we look forward to taking the gray bracelets off for good.

Billy is going to be this years honoree at "light the night" Leukemia and lymphoma walk-a-thon, in Westfield. They don't have the date yet, but we will keep you posted.

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers, they are all appreciated.

Something to be "Thankful" for

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Yes I do have reason to be thankful as I have learned that I am getting healthy again . I met with Dr. Greenberg on Friday and he assures me I am in complete remission from my cancer. He added that I should be the poster boy for lymphoma as my recovery went remarkably well considering where I was at from the beginning. While I am thankful for the news please understand I accept it with guarded optimism since my sister Nancy, who lost her battle with this disease, also went into remission quickly only to suffer a second battle she could not overcome.

I know I'm fortunate and we need to stay on top of this thing. For now I will be screened every 3 months but my prognosis is excellent. Nancy was treated differently than I, not nearly as aggressively as I have been. That was 1993-1994 and much progress has been made in this field therefore my confidence is strong as always. I owe much of my strength to all of you whom have supported me throughout. My team, my unit of strength. All of you who have stood by me are a part of my success and I am grateful to you all.

So in a season of "Thanks" I say thankyou beginning with Wendy and Zill who were by my side during chemo and the real bad days and saw me at my worse. Wendy never wavered when I was beat up and battered....but never broken. I can't thank her enough and I know that. I am thankful for my many friends who wrote me, emailed and sent cards. I'm thankful for the poker game and fund raiser that got me through financially when my commissions disappeared. I'm thankful for Ellen making the trip frpm Point Pleasant just to watch me shake while I was getting chemo. I'm thankful for Domenica from Sloan Kettering for reminding me that there's things worth fighting for and that I could beat this thing.

Back in April when we found the cancer I set a personal goal to be healthy by Thanksgiving and together we've reached my goal. Never alone, all of you by my side, I'm getting stronger every day. So yes this will be a Happy Thanksgiving for me, one to remember for sure.

Happy Thanksgiving you guys.

So it begins again

Everyone been asking so here's what's new. My next appointment is for November 21st and another petscan. This is the radioactive test I enjoy so much when they insert the dye into my vein and I sit in a dark room for an hour before they put me into the scanner. This will tell us if there's any sign of tumors. As of now we're somewhat in limbo not knowing for sure but all signs look good for now. Life is less stressful these days for sure now that the "Jersey Boys" have returned from sunny California intact. Tony "synthetic" has continued to cleanup on simulcasting and lets us know about it. If he keeps it up he may retire soon although many claim he's retired already.....living the dream. He's actually had an impact on my recovery by covering my hours at the healthclub and keeping tabs on me for which I'm grateful.

Wendy has our juicer motoring every morning making yummy drinks, mostly fruit. Juicing is alot of work and constant cleanup but she does it anyway. We're learning different mixtures of fruits and veggies and so far so good. The deer enjoy what is left over from scraps. I think we've lost Buck one of our regulars from spring till now. He made the mistake of growing up and having large antlers. I'm sure he's on some sissy trailer park no teeth fagboys mantle with a dirty hess station cap hanging off his antler. My beautiful Buck is gone now but I'll always hope he made it.

Maybe my perspectives are off but I love the animals and I'll always believe here should be a place for them....all of them. I say give them the arrows and let em shoot back then we'll see how tough these guys hiding in the woods are. Too much? That's just how I feel.....more to come I promise!

A day at the races.

I love L.A. was the theme for our trip to Santa Anita Park in Southern California. I'm sure Randy Newman had better pitch when he sang it but the weekends big winner Tony "Synthetic" Posella was belting it outloud over and over while cashing winning tickets. His father "The Preacher" and Jon "the bomber" Farese weren't quite as lucky nor was I. But hell I was lucky just to be there and equally as grateful. The flight out was brutal and a very long day. I wore a mask on the plane however the cabin pressure was a killer. By the time we arrived I was shot but Wendy was smart enough to make me take every remedy known to man including my prescriptions so I was prepared. Friday and Saturday were race days and it was great. Perfect weather, beautiful race track, gorgeous horses and tons of fun. Mix in a few cold ones and you've got a good day. Didn't cash many tickets but Tony was banging daily doubles left and right so we had fun. Saturday was special as the best horses in the world competed and the track was jumping. After losing most of my money I finally connected big on Albertus Maximus, a tip from Tony of course. Problem was the track after taking all my money for 2 days, didn't want to pay me or Tony. Seems when you win more than $600 bucks they want your social security number. Thank God I'm not Mexican right? Neither of us had this of corse so they refused to pay us. Those of you whom know me well know that this didn't sit well with me. Let's just say a good chunk of the 50,00 strong knew I was unhappy. After inferring that the I.R.S. agent was a rotten tramp I was coaxed to my seats by the Preacher. No way I was taking no for an answer. I was able to pay off a bartender with a ss" number and card to cash our tickets. Turns out he was just out of the military and he was tax exempt anyway....so he made a few bucks, we got our money and in turn screwed over the I.R.S. who got nothing...nada....zippo....hahahahaha. In all I came home even, had a great time with friends and was happy to get back home still ticking.

Concerning my health I'm taking the week off. Wendy's got the juicer out and the experimets have begun. Im expecting some interesting fruit drinks and I'll let you all know about my juicing experience next week.

May the Horse Be With You.

California Dreamin

All the leaves aren't brown but will be soon now that frost is among us and the sky is gray. Maybe I will be safe and warm in L.A. , well actually Malibu Beach and I'm looking forward to going. We leave on Thursday for California and the Breeders Cup an exciting time for horseman and gamblers around the globe. Fact is though I'm apprehensive about going, feel like dogshit to coin a phrase and am afraid I'm going to bring our group down with my health issues. But I've known Tony Posella and his dad since I was 7 years old and Jon Farese since early High School and they know what they're up against. Flying will be tough it's a long flight and a long day for me. I can't swallow and it's hard to breathe at times, very painful. My neck and chest area burn constantly from the radiation and I'm quite swollen. I get fevers at night when I'm tired and become achie and restless. I hope the boys will be ok with me I don't want to bring them down. I also feel guilty about going since I've been useless both at home and work lately and generally let everybody down in my life. But this trip is a gift from my friends not something I've planned for myself so I'm going to go despite my misgivings. I'll miss Wendy and my dogs but maybe this will be a break for Wendy as well. No patient to have to look after for a few days. Thats what I've become lately, a patient with needs and it sucks.

I was cruising through radiation or the first 2 weeks then wham .......knocked me on my ass. My skin is burned and my ears ring 24/7. There's a constant migrane like headache and body aches but the worst symptom is the chest pressuse that makes it so hard to breathe. There's been mornings lately that I just can't take the dogs and I get sooo frustrated . Maybe my mini vacation will help. I'm hopeful.

As always thanks you guys who call, write and well wish. It all helps. Radiation is over Wednesday thank God. I hope to start my physical rehab November 1st and get my mojo back and get stronger. My regimine will be a juicing program of fruits and vegetables and include protein drinks, plenty of exercise and light weight training. Eliminating carbs and fatty foods and some meats for awhile, at least until Thanksgiving. Then we'll see where we are and hear what the Doctors have to say.

My Oncologist in charge Dr.Bednar had a son 2 weeks ago and named him William. Pretty cool. I have faith in him and few others at this point. Hopefully I won't need any of them soon I hope I hope I hope.

California here I come. BS

extra innings

Well, today was supposed to be the finale. For some crazy reason, that we still don't understand, they have upped the radiation to 18 days. That means he will be going next week, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
He is not doing very well. He has sores all over his upper chest and is in excruciating pain. The little white pills, when he can swallow, have become his friend. The difficulty in breathing is so bad, he cant sleep for fear he wont be able to breathe.
He is staying strong, not complaining, but the pain is visible. The symptoms should last a few weeks to months before he starts feeling any better. There will be good, then bad days. The roller coaster rolls on.
3 more days...............

4 to go

Billy did fairly well for the first 2 weeks of radiation. He tries to work for a few hours, then he drives himself to the hospital. He usually sounds OK afterwards, but as the evening progresses he has a harder time. His throat feels like the worst case of Strep imaginable. He has been able to eat, but not much. As the days have gone by it has become more and more difficult for him to swallow. He had gained some of his weight back before it began, then in the first week he dropped 6lbs. The doctor, nurse and nutritionist sat him down for a little intervention. They told him he had one week to put a little more weight on, or the feeding tube was going in. That didn't go over very well. He did gain 2 lbs, but hasn't been weighed this week yet. The last few days he has been having problems breathing. He is winded and cant catch his breath. It feels as though there is a great pressure on his chest making it difficult to breath.
He forces himself to take the dogs every morning to the park, so he can use that as a form of exercise. That has been very difficult also. Yesterday he wasn't even able to get out of bed, and I took the dogs. He of course, was not happy.
He is doing his best and we are carrying on as normal as possible, getting closer to that light at the end of this dark tunnel.