I felt that I needed to shed some light on things that have happened so quickly. It's Sunday night and I realize that I am sick....and I'm angry about that. You see this is my life and I am blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful and good people. I've had friendships now that have lasted 40 years...and I'm only 47 so how lucky am I? The relationships I have are the foundation of my existance....translation meaning the people in my small world are everything to me and life means very little without all of you. That comes from my heart. Cancer now becomes a large part of my world and will dominate my routine and test my courage. It enters my world without invitation and thats unacceptable to me. I choose, It's the fundamental of my beliefs and now thats gone...maybe forever....and thats not acceptable for me.
So I have Hodgkins disease as so many others before me have had. Cancer doesn't scare me nor does the fight against the disease scare me. What does scare me is the thought of not being there for any of you that may need me spanning rom my family to my friends, to my ball teams to my dogs...not being able to work for my days pay.. being week....inept...useless...feeble...weak...these are my greatest fears. I'm a fighter and I have never had self doubt but cancer changes that for me...I'm fighting an opponent I can't see. You all should know I woke up today with the thought that I won't do the treatments..chemo and radiation, they're not for me. I watched my sister Nancy fight this disease for 2 years and fail...my father as well. But then I remember that you all count on me in some small way and you need me to be around as long as I can be...but please understand I don't want to be sickly, weak and bedridden so a compromise may be in order...so I will fight this fight for all of you..and we'll just see.. Please know that I am not scared of what lies ahead for me. I have had the pleasure of kindness, love and understanding from all of you and I take that with me everyday and I am greatful and do not take it for granted. I've done my best to return your love and trust in my own way. So tomorrow my fight begins and I will fight like hell...for all of you. Should I fail please know that I love you all..my family, friends and teamates who are like my brothers and mean so much to me....i've always" left it all out on the field" and this fight will be no different for me. I love you all and I'm greatful..Thankyou.
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4 comments:
Oh brother. Keep your shirt on, Mister. Take one day at a time. Your sister would have done any treatment necessary and you will do the same. Don't be a dork, although, as stated earlier, you can't seem to help it.
Billy,my thoughts are with you. Fight your fight brother. Stay strong and go at it one day at a time. You are surrounded by many people who love you and need you in their lives. You're a good man...hang tough. Give me a shout if you need anything. If its just come up and hang out...just call...but put those dogs outside...we won tonight..thanks to me..as you know..i do it all for this team. Peace..Bobby C
Hey Billy,
It's Tak (Rob Takleszyn), I know with attitude and energy, this blip that life has handed you, does not stand a chance.
I have a question for you; when did you get so deep and be able to use such long sentences.
Just kidding! Jackie told about "IT" and Tom gave me the link. Do not worry about anyone but yourself for now. Us middle aged men have too much more to do before we move on.
Your support system is on point and I am sure whatever team your on will pick up the slack.
Your friend of 40 years: Tak
Billy, All our thoughts and prayers are with you as you win this battle. Rocky, I and the kids are sending you some very powerful energy. We know in our hearts that you will prevail. Love and prayer are a powerful thing and you have LOTS of that magic on your side. We are here for you always if you should need anything at all. Stay strong and positive. You are a fighter by nature so this fight should come easy to you!!
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