Something to be "Thankful" for

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Yes I do have reason to be thankful as I have learned that I am getting healthy again . I met with Dr. Greenberg on Friday and he assures me I am in complete remission from my cancer. He added that I should be the poster boy for lymphoma as my recovery went remarkably well considering where I was at from the beginning. While I am thankful for the news please understand I accept it with guarded optimism since my sister Nancy, who lost her battle with this disease, also went into remission quickly only to suffer a second battle she could not overcome.

I know I'm fortunate and we need to stay on top of this thing. For now I will be screened every 3 months but my prognosis is excellent. Nancy was treated differently than I, not nearly as aggressively as I have been. That was 1993-1994 and much progress has been made in this field therefore my confidence is strong as always. I owe much of my strength to all of you whom have supported me throughout. My team, my unit of strength. All of you who have stood by me are a part of my success and I am grateful to you all.

So in a season of "Thanks" I say thankyou beginning with Wendy and Zill who were by my side during chemo and the real bad days and saw me at my worse. Wendy never wavered when I was beat up and battered....but never broken. I can't thank her enough and I know that. I am thankful for my many friends who wrote me, emailed and sent cards. I'm thankful for the poker game and fund raiser that got me through financially when my commissions disappeared. I'm thankful for Ellen making the trip frpm Point Pleasant just to watch me shake while I was getting chemo. I'm thankful for Domenica from Sloan Kettering for reminding me that there's things worth fighting for and that I could beat this thing.

Back in April when we found the cancer I set a personal goal to be healthy by Thanksgiving and together we've reached my goal. Never alone, all of you by my side, I'm getting stronger every day. So yes this will be a Happy Thanksgiving for me, one to remember for sure.

Happy Thanksgiving you guys.

So it begins again

Everyone been asking so here's what's new. My next appointment is for November 21st and another petscan. This is the radioactive test I enjoy so much when they insert the dye into my vein and I sit in a dark room for an hour before they put me into the scanner. This will tell us if there's any sign of tumors. As of now we're somewhat in limbo not knowing for sure but all signs look good for now. Life is less stressful these days for sure now that the "Jersey Boys" have returned from sunny California intact. Tony "synthetic" has continued to cleanup on simulcasting and lets us know about it. If he keeps it up he may retire soon although many claim he's retired already.....living the dream. He's actually had an impact on my recovery by covering my hours at the healthclub and keeping tabs on me for which I'm grateful.

Wendy has our juicer motoring every morning making yummy drinks, mostly fruit. Juicing is alot of work and constant cleanup but she does it anyway. We're learning different mixtures of fruits and veggies and so far so good. The deer enjoy what is left over from scraps. I think we've lost Buck one of our regulars from spring till now. He made the mistake of growing up and having large antlers. I'm sure he's on some sissy trailer park no teeth fagboys mantle with a dirty hess station cap hanging off his antler. My beautiful Buck is gone now but I'll always hope he made it.

Maybe my perspectives are off but I love the animals and I'll always believe here should be a place for them....all of them. I say give them the arrows and let em shoot back then we'll see how tough these guys hiding in the woods are. Too much? That's just how I feel.....more to come I promise!

A day at the races.

I love L.A. was the theme for our trip to Santa Anita Park in Southern California. I'm sure Randy Newman had better pitch when he sang it but the weekends big winner Tony "Synthetic" Posella was belting it outloud over and over while cashing winning tickets. His father "The Preacher" and Jon "the bomber" Farese weren't quite as lucky nor was I. But hell I was lucky just to be there and equally as grateful. The flight out was brutal and a very long day. I wore a mask on the plane however the cabin pressure was a killer. By the time we arrived I was shot but Wendy was smart enough to make me take every remedy known to man including my prescriptions so I was prepared. Friday and Saturday were race days and it was great. Perfect weather, beautiful race track, gorgeous horses and tons of fun. Mix in a few cold ones and you've got a good day. Didn't cash many tickets but Tony was banging daily doubles left and right so we had fun. Saturday was special as the best horses in the world competed and the track was jumping. After losing most of my money I finally connected big on Albertus Maximus, a tip from Tony of course. Problem was the track after taking all my money for 2 days, didn't want to pay me or Tony. Seems when you win more than $600 bucks they want your social security number. Thank God I'm not Mexican right? Neither of us had this of corse so they refused to pay us. Those of you whom know me well know that this didn't sit well with me. Let's just say a good chunk of the 50,00 strong knew I was unhappy. After inferring that the I.R.S. agent was a rotten tramp I was coaxed to my seats by the Preacher. No way I was taking no for an answer. I was able to pay off a bartender with a ss" number and card to cash our tickets. Turns out he was just out of the military and he was tax exempt anyway....so he made a few bucks, we got our money and in turn screwed over the I.R.S. who got nothing...nada....zippo....hahahahaha. In all I came home even, had a great time with friends and was happy to get back home still ticking.

Concerning my health I'm taking the week off. Wendy's got the juicer out and the experimets have begun. Im expecting some interesting fruit drinks and I'll let you all know about my juicing experience next week.

May the Horse Be With You.

California Dreamin

All the leaves aren't brown but will be soon now that frost is among us and the sky is gray. Maybe I will be safe and warm in L.A. , well actually Malibu Beach and I'm looking forward to going. We leave on Thursday for California and the Breeders Cup an exciting time for horseman and gamblers around the globe. Fact is though I'm apprehensive about going, feel like dogshit to coin a phrase and am afraid I'm going to bring our group down with my health issues. But I've known Tony Posella and his dad since I was 7 years old and Jon Farese since early High School and they know what they're up against. Flying will be tough it's a long flight and a long day for me. I can't swallow and it's hard to breathe at times, very painful. My neck and chest area burn constantly from the radiation and I'm quite swollen. I get fevers at night when I'm tired and become achie and restless. I hope the boys will be ok with me I don't want to bring them down. I also feel guilty about going since I've been useless both at home and work lately and generally let everybody down in my life. But this trip is a gift from my friends not something I've planned for myself so I'm going to go despite my misgivings. I'll miss Wendy and my dogs but maybe this will be a break for Wendy as well. No patient to have to look after for a few days. Thats what I've become lately, a patient with needs and it sucks.

I was cruising through radiation or the first 2 weeks then wham .......knocked me on my ass. My skin is burned and my ears ring 24/7. There's a constant migrane like headache and body aches but the worst symptom is the chest pressuse that makes it so hard to breathe. There's been mornings lately that I just can't take the dogs and I get sooo frustrated . Maybe my mini vacation will help. I'm hopeful.

As always thanks you guys who call, write and well wish. It all helps. Radiation is over Wednesday thank God. I hope to start my physical rehab November 1st and get my mojo back and get stronger. My regimine will be a juicing program of fruits and vegetables and include protein drinks, plenty of exercise and light weight training. Eliminating carbs and fatty foods and some meats for awhile, at least until Thanksgiving. Then we'll see where we are and hear what the Doctors have to say.

My Oncologist in charge Dr.Bednar had a son 2 weeks ago and named him William. Pretty cool. I have faith in him and few others at this point. Hopefully I won't need any of them soon I hope I hope I hope.

California here I come. BS

extra innings

Well, today was supposed to be the finale. For some crazy reason, that we still don't understand, they have upped the radiation to 18 days. That means he will be going next week, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
He is not doing very well. He has sores all over his upper chest and is in excruciating pain. The little white pills, when he can swallow, have become his friend. The difficulty in breathing is so bad, he cant sleep for fear he wont be able to breathe.
He is staying strong, not complaining, but the pain is visible. The symptoms should last a few weeks to months before he starts feeling any better. There will be good, then bad days. The roller coaster rolls on.
3 more days...............

4 to go

Billy did fairly well for the first 2 weeks of radiation. He tries to work for a few hours, then he drives himself to the hospital. He usually sounds OK afterwards, but as the evening progresses he has a harder time. His throat feels like the worst case of Strep imaginable. He has been able to eat, but not much. As the days have gone by it has become more and more difficult for him to swallow. He had gained some of his weight back before it began, then in the first week he dropped 6lbs. The doctor, nurse and nutritionist sat him down for a little intervention. They told him he had one week to put a little more weight on, or the feeding tube was going in. That didn't go over very well. He did gain 2 lbs, but hasn't been weighed this week yet. The last few days he has been having problems breathing. He is winded and cant catch his breath. It feels as though there is a great pressure on his chest making it difficult to breath.
He forces himself to take the dogs every morning to the park, so he can use that as a form of exercise. That has been very difficult also. Yesterday he wasn't even able to get out of bed, and I took the dogs. He of course, was not happy.
He is doing his best and we are carrying on as normal as possible, getting closer to that light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Radiation Day 1

So it begins. Monday the 29th I started my 15 day regimine of radiation at Hunterdon Medical Center. Radiation itself wasn't so bad as it lasted only about 20 minutes and was generally painless. I'm sporting new tatoo's on my chin, neck, chest and rib cage so I'm sowing my oats feeling kind of manly and all until about 8pm. Then it's like I have a 10 lb. brick in my chest, can't catch my breath, feeling pain in my fingers, hands, feet and joints and extremely tired. So it begins again and this is only day 1. I'm into this battle 5 months now and many of you have been with me for the whole ride thank you. Unfortunately I feel like I'm starting to break down mentally and that has been one of the strengths that has gotten me this far. Radiation while painless is an unknown. Chemo I could see and feel and felt comfortable it was something I could dominate. I no longer have that feeling. Radiation can cause other cancers like lung cancer or attack major organs including your heart. That unknown X factor scares me. I could handle losing a battle to a cancer that attacked my body, not sure I could handle losing a battle to radiation that destroyed my healthy organs. I know I wouldnt be ok with that. So it's wait and see for now and that's cool with me. As always I have all of you for support and that get's me through. I have 14 treatments over the upcoming 3 weeks that will accumulate and get worse and worse making me weak and sickly. They may have to burn out my windpipe to the point I won't be able to swallow or eat. I'm ready for it and loading up the calories now best I can. There isn't any way they're putting a feeding tube down my throat and I've communicated that to my Radiologist quite clearly and I think he's feeling the pressure as he was a shade pale white yesterday. Haha no I wouldn't but he doesn't need to know it I like the pressure it kind of gives me a leg up. He got me yesterday as I lay motionless in my radiation mold inside the machine he got on the intercom and said " so how bout them Met's "........jackass!

Thanks Everybody.

Game On

Many of you already know but I got the good news on wenesday that my last petscan showed no sign of tumors. What this means is that the chemotherapy did it's job and shrunk the tumors even better than we hoped. It doesnt mean that they are gone entirely and that's why radiation will be the net step in my road to recovery. Starting September 29th I begin 15 days of radiation Mon-Fri for 3 weeks. It isn't as painful or dibilitating as chemo but does come with some danger and side effects. Seems 2 of the tumors have surrounded my esophogus (wind pipe) so radiation will be directed to this area as well as my neck and chest. The radiologist says it will do some damage and I may not be able to eat after awhile. It could mean being fed through an I.V. down the road but I made it quite clear to him that a feeding tube would cause him harm and result in his eventual demise hence I believe the Doc and me have come to a mutual agreement on that issue. Otherwise it will just mean being very tired and more weight loss and that's ok because it will make me better. Looks like i'll be able to enjoy the holidays this year and should be good as new by February or March next year. Hopefully the words "play ball" will echo in my ear come spring 2009. Something to look forward to for sure.

Thank you needs to be sent to so many I don't know where to begin. Support has come from so many people and so many places. Prayers have rung about and Churches have done masses and I'm so thankful. I've heard from those nearby and far away, friends from my present and past. Everyone has stepped up with encouragement and support an you'll never know what a difference it makes on a daily basis. I got to tell the nurses I was in remission and I looked around at the chemo patients who were listening and they had a look of relief on their faces that said good for you my friend, good for you. That meant alot to me. We form a quiet bond as patients and quietly root for each other because we know of each others pain. I will be rooting for all of them and wish them he same success I've had thus far.

I'm hopeful to make Califonia the week of October 23-26 although it may be dicey if I can't eat or swallow. Just one more challenge I guess. Please know that I've stayed strong and haven't wavered in my faith or my beliefs. You guys keep me focused towards my goal of beating this thing and I'm well on our way.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

HOME RUN

As many of you know, we met with Billy's Oncologist today to get his Petscan results. The doctor walked in and gave him a "high five". He said he is in "total remission". The scans were completely free, which is better than they were expecting. He does still have to do radiation to eradicate anything possibly left behind. That is scheduled to begin on Sept 29. He will go for 3 weeks in a row taking the weekends off, and then he is DONE! There will be testing in between, and testing after for the next 2 years. Then once a year til he is free for 5 years. The radiation isn't the funnest thing to do. It is still dangerous, it will burn his skin and make it hard to swallow. There is a risk for damaging his heart and increased risk of lung cancer, but that is minimal. They think he will loose some more weight (he is at 158lbs). All in all it was a good meeting followed by a celebration of Margaritas and wings! We should all expect to see him back on the ball field in the Spring.
As always... Thanks for your support!

crossing our fingers

Well, treatment was yesterday. It is supposed to be the last scheduled one. He did fairly well this time. I guess the last one was so bad it made this one seem easier. One needle... in bed all night, but ate a little dinner... this morning, he was up walking around driving me nuts. But, that's all a good sign. He is still queasy and not looking forward to the nasty shot later today.. last one of those we hope.
Here is what the doc said yesterday.
He does think there could be some activity still going on. But what amount is the next determining factor. On the 8th Billy will go for a Petscan. On the 10th he and I will meet with Dr. Bednar to review the results. If there is a small amount of activity then he can graduate to radiation. We already have an appointment with Dr. Greenberg for later that day. That is just a second consult to see what he says, since Billy is still debating sloan vs hunterdon. If there is a medium amount of activity, then more chemo. This could mean another round of 4 months, or a different medication series all together. If there is a larger amount of activity, then we look at bone marrow or stem cell transplants.....
cross your fingers

And down the stretch they come!

That's horse talk for we're almost finished with phase 1 of our battle with cancer. I say we because it's been a team effort led by Wendy, Zill, my friends and family. Our battle started 4 months ago and I'm doing just fine although no one can onfirm that quite yet. The summer has flown by and I'm disappointed that we missed out on some things. Not the kids though Sammy and Jessica did a week and some weekends at the beach, had sleep overs, trips to Great Adventure and lots ofother fun. Sam spent a week at cubscout camp despite his fathers objections and had the time of his life. Both got to go to soccer camp for a week (thank you Larry and Jacqueline) . I got to play alot of golf only to realize I still suck at it, well by my standards anyway. Thank you Tommy O, David and Andrew, Piercie and everyone else who got me out of bed and onto the course. Definately kept my spirits up despite the pain in my joints when I would hit the ball. I was also able to revive my relationship with God which is always strong but even stronger now. I've thanked him for my good days this summer, all the wonderful people in my life, the joy I get from watching my dogs run through the park and of course all the birdies and pars on the golf course. We won't mention my thoughts on double bogeys at this time.

Now here's my deal. Still feeling pretty good and last round of chemo/Nuelasta set for Weds.-Thurs. this week. Will be down and out till Labor Day then should bounce back as usual. Don't know where I'm at with the tumors but will get Petscan early September to find out. If they've shrunk down radiation will begin, asap as far as I'm concerned and I plan on pushing that point with he doctors. I feel I'm ready for it and still strong enough to deal with the many side effects so "bring it on". Radiation is 20 minutes a day for 10 consecutive days, 10 days off for recovery, then 10 more consecutive days of treatments. People tend to lose weight during radiation and become extremely fatigued and sickly. Again only a temporary setback and the radiation should kill off the remaining tumors. All goes well and I'm off to California for the Breeder Cup last week of October then fully recovered by the Holidays. Let's hope this scenario pans out.

Finally it's nearing crunch time for me so hope that the chemo has done it's job. Hope that radiation starts soon and does it's job without beating me up too badly. Hope for little side effects and a speedy recovery process. Should I decide on Sloan Kettering for radiation I will be looking for rides and many of you have volunteered so be prepared I'll need your support. Alot of questions to be answered next few weeks so please keep me in your thoughts.

As always Thank You

one more time, one more time, one more time

One more time, that's what he keeps saying. I think that is what is helping him get through this one. He had the second to last treatment 5 days ago. I keep repeating that it just gets worse each time, but that's the way it is. Usually he is somewhat recovered by now, but that still hasnt happened. He keeps saying (hoping) maybe tomorrow he will feel better.
We spoke with Dr. Bednar on Wednesday before his treatment. He has hopes that everything is going as planned. Unfortunately, they wont know until he does testing after the last treatment.
Billy has lost weight this time, but not too much that they are concerned. At the last treatment they damaged his vein so they were unable to use his "good spot" this time. Trish did her best to find him another good vein, but it wasnt very pleasant. It took 2 tries on his left arm, then they had to switch after 15 minutes and get another line into the other side. Needless to say, n0t a pleasant way to begin the day.
He is usually able to cope just using Tylenol, but this time the oxycodone has been used a lot. I called him earlier today and didnt even recognize his voice. He cant turn his head because of the pain in his neck. His throat is hurting along with the rest of his body. He isnt really answering the phone much, so dont be offended, it just hurts to talk.
He goes back to the doctor on Wednesday for a check-up and then hopefully next week will be his last treatment... will keep you posted.

2 left

Apparently you'al are getting on Billy's case because there hasnt been an updated message since his last treatment... sorry, "life gets in the way".
Last Wednesday was his 6th of 8 treatments, so we are almost to the end. Once he completes the 8th treatment, he will get another test to see if it all worked. If the results are good, he moves on to Radiation. If not, he is "supposed" to start over. I dont know how well that will go over with him. He has been getting a lot of mixed reviews on the radiation, and it hasnt been pretty. He is tough though... he will push, or "be pushed" on...
As you know the treatments have been getting harder with each passing one. The nurses arent overly fond of Billy, in fact it is like he has his own personal nurse who takes care of him. He tried bribery with bagels, but that never softened the blow of the needles. The nurses are coming around slowly though, who can resist his charm?
He had quite a few visitors at his last treatment. Although he is a bit "out of it", he really appreciates the support. I was there in the beginning hours, then came Lisa from the gym, then the ever faithful Zilly. He had a very pleasant surprise with Ellen his sister and her husband Mike coming and staying for a long visit. That really meant a lot.
I wont describe what the medicine does to his mental and physical state, its pretty hard just watching. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. During the treatments he is just really tired and ill feeling. The next few days are the days where very few people are allowed to see him. That is when he is at his worst feeling.
Thursday he had the steroid shot... Again, delayed pain.. Again, worse every time.
On his good days, he looks fantastic. As he tells me often, better looking every day. For some reason he doesnt really look sick on those good days. I think its hard for some people to think of him as sick. I know my kids are that way... he doesnt look sick, so they keep behaving like kids... which brings me back to Thursday...
After getting his shot, Billy got a text messages that some of the guys from his softball team werent going to make it to the playoff game.... Forfeit? not a chance!... You guessed it, and as some of you already heard... Billy showed, with me and dogs in tow. Yes, it wasnt the smartest thing to do... but think about it, I wouldnt expect anything else from Billy... and I think that 50% of us would have tried to do the same. He played catcher and struggled to hold his own... Stumpy, very kindly tried to "walk" Billy every time he came to bat... Yeah right... Billy wasnt going home without a hit. He eventually did get one. They didnt win the game, but he certainly gave his all. We then went home and he crashed into bed in a fever. Agreeably not smart, but its who he is. He would have felt as if he let his team down if he didnt try.
It took until yesterday before he felt somewhat better. The days are like roller coasters, he feels ok in the morning, then by afternoon he crashes.
2 more to go

Summer of George

Most of us are Seinfeld fans I'm sure so I've decided that this is "my summer of George". Those familiar know that nothing really happens during the summer of George but that hasn't been the case with me. Wendy has told you all about many of the nice things people have done for me and continue to do. Satuday I went to the races with 2 lifelong friends Tony Posella and his Dad who was my first little league coach at age 7. The heat was hard for me but we had a great day and I cashed some tickets for a change. Then we went to dinner with Tony's wife and 2 kids along with Wendy, Sammy and Jessica. There I had a suprise waiting for me. My friends announced that they had arranged for me to go to California at the end of October to see the Breeders Cup...racings 2 day allstar event featuring the best horses in the world. It will be held at Santa Anita Park in So. California, a place I've always wanted to go. It's a Thursday thru Sunday trip that will happen just after I complete 20 days of radiation so the timing is perfect. Once again I'm the "lucky one" as people continue to do wonderful things for me during my "Summer of George" and again I am so grateful and appreciative. Now I need to save up and pick some winners!

My next treatments are July 30th-31st so this will be a lost weekend. God willing my final session will be Aug 27th-28th. I assume in early September they'll scan me again to see where we're at. Radiation will begin shortly after. I go 10 days in a row for 20 minutes per day, get 2 weeks off then repeat another 10 days. I have tons of questions regarding radiation so anyone with past experience please get in touch as I adhere to first hand advice over any other. Doctors tend to tell you what you want to hear at times I'm slowly learning.

Also I continue to make new friends. Recently I heard from Jen Singer, a friend of a friend, somebody who has faced the challenges I am facing with cancer and supports me. Thank you Jen and feel free to email me at williamdscott@aol.com I have questions for you. Megan I know your out there as well and I hope your dad is kicking ass and taking names these days. Vicki in Washinton thank you for your support and the picture of Tom and I. You are one of Wendy's favorites. Domenica I worry abou you yet am absolutely sure you'll always be ok! Those babies need you. Robin and Bill thanks are sent to Colorado. Patty where have you been for 20 years and thanks for finding me. Laurie, Jean, Tammy and everyone thank you for the cards. Timmy Magoo I hope you got a bracelet. The list goes on and on so thank you everyone.

Thanks to Wendy I'm hanging in there just fine and plan on enjoying the remainder of my "Summer of George"! Thanks everybody yadayadayada.

3 more to go!

The last week and a half were pretty tough on Billy. As you would know it, just as he began to feel better, it was time to go to chemo again! Before we get to today, I do want to share a couple of nice stories with you. Over this last weekend, David and Beth Rettino's two children, took it upon themselves to have a Lemonade stand for Billy. Their pictures are added. Billy was very grateful that they thought of him. They didn't even keep any of the money for themselves. On Monday night, they presented him with an envelope. In it was some cash, and two nice messages from the children. Lexy even made Billy a Mets colored bracelet that he has yet to take off. The money went towards today's co-pay at the hospital, and bought Him some coffee and breakfast... thanks again kids!

Last night, Billy had a great time, taking his mind of today's upcoming torture. David and Andrew Reale (sorry if I spelled it wrong)let Billy and his brother use their tickets to the All Star Game. They had excellent front row box tickets, and had a great time...

As for today, it wasn't easy. He was able to sleep, or pretend to sleep through most of it. He is home now, resting. He is getting sicker every time. We had a pleasant surprise today. When Billy had gone for his biopsy he ran into a gal he went to high school working there, named Diane. Today, she had delivered to us, lunch and a very nice card.
Throughout all the crap he has endured, he has had some pretty nice things done for him...
thanks everyone!

Happy 4th of July

Well, this one has turned out to be the worst one yet. All of the side effects are kicking in at once and he isn't doing too well. We were able to make it to the parade on Greenbrook ave and he put up a good front. Unfortunately it took everything out of him. We stopped to see Chris' renovations on the way home, but Billy needed assistance just walking. He never made it to the second floor to look around, it was too much. The house looks good though Chris, (although I hate your closets!)
He lay in bed pretty much the rest of the day. He had small bursts of energy, just enough to walk outside a couple of times and to force down some dinner. Most of the day, was spent with him laying in the spare bedroom. It is his "clean room". Or, we try to keep it that way. Every time he has chemo, I come home early and vacuum the room and change the bedding. Then lock the dogs out. We try to keep it as "clean feeling" as possible so he is more comfortable. Those dogs do manage to sneak in sometimes though. Not much I can do about it, Janie thinks Billy belongs to her. She gets very jealous if I am near him, and will growl if I move her away from him. We cant even drive with her in the car unless she is somehow "touching" Billy...
Its heartbreaking to see him so weak, and to know what the "weakness" does to his spirit. I can see how it makes him angry. When he was first diagnosed, he felt fine. It wasn't until after he started the treatments that he got ill. Medicine is supposed to make you feel better. So if it isn't making you feel better, how do you know it is actually making you better? He says he doesn't know how he can go through 4 more of these treatments. I know he will, I think he just needs to vent and feel in control of "something". Worse case I throw his scrawny butt over my shoulder and carry him there... or bring in the big guns..Micheal, Chez... but, again, I know he will go. He has never been a quitter.

A Legend Gone- A personal tribute to Big Bob

He was a one in a lfetime kind of person to know and those who knew him were better for it. He was known as Big Bob and while he was a giant of a man it doesn't tell the story of who he was. Bob Reilly was a giant of man because of his who he was, not because how big he was.
I met Bob in the summer of 1979. My brother was a Watchung Policeman and often partnered with Bob who was a great softball player. They decided to forma Police team and I was their shortstop. I was an arrogant tempered punk kid who needed discipline and direction hence Bob took me under his wing and gave me the guidence and ass kickings I needed and deserved. Soon I was playing on several of his teams and tournament teams. While I was learning about winning softball games I was learning more about life and being a man from Big Bob. I learned about respect and playing the game right and that translated into living life right. You see when Bob Reilly spoke you listened. He had that type of charisma that when he walked into a room or told a story everyone would listen. His smile always made you smile and he had the discipline to match; you never wanted to piss off Big Bob. The years passed and Bob became Chief of Police after my brother left the force. We all remained the closest of friends and Bob befriended my close friends like Zilli, Chez and Tony Po. We were his boys in the 90's both on and off the field. Bob retired as Chief of Police 5-6 years ago and got a condo on a golf course in Myrtle Beach. Of course before he left he threw himself a golf party at Twin Brooks that my brother Michael and I attended. To no ones surprise Big Bob's foresome won the outing. He simply said this is my "blanking outing" and I'm winning it so go "blank" yourself. Larger than life he was and no questions were asked. It was simply understood and you didn't ever argue with Big Bob.
The "Man" had spoken. Unfortunately this story doesn't have a happy ending. About a year ago I learned that Bob had cancer. While it seemed impossible to me that this great man was sick I understood the gravity involved. Bob didn't like Doctors or Hospitals and was "old school" much like myself. My brother got in touch with him and we had hoped to go to Myrtle Beach to see him soon. Then on a Tuesday in late April I got my diagnoses of cancer but decided to keep it quiet for a day or two. On that Thursday I received a call from my brother and there was a tremble in his voice which was uncharacteristic for Michael who's normally a rock. I thought maybe he had heard about my illness but that wasn't the case. Big Bob had lost his battle with cancer and passed away. This giant of a man with the giant heart had broken our hearts with his passing. I know he'd probably had enough of being sick and didn't want to live that way anymore because it wasn't his way to live, not in a hospital and not sick. Not Big Bob. So that Saturday I went to the funeral home in Dunellen and said goodbye to Bob which was hard especially hard just learning of my own illness. It was almost sureal as if it wasn't really happening. My brother was away so I said goodbye and cried or for both of us. I carry that pain with me even today and fight my fight partially for Big Bob because he would have wanted me too. Michael and I loved his man; all those who knew him loved him. He will remain a giant in my heart and I will never forget him or the many things he taught me and the memories we shared. Without question Bob Reilly made me a better man today and I am grateful for that. Thank you Big Bob. I love you man.

half way mark

Today was the half way mark. The treatments are getting harder and harder on him. I may have to call in the big guns soon to drag him to his next treatments. Unfortunately, I am not kidding.
Today he was sick the entire time, and for the first time he has requested a bucket "just in case". We were a little nervous when we didn't see Trish, his favorite nurse. The new one, however, passed muster. She was even a softball player. NO, Mr. Mayor, did not know her - go figure.
Sam, my son, came with us today to see what it was all about. I cant believe it took me so long to figure Billy out. When he went into one of the rooms for a talk with the doc, he figured Sam couldn't handle it, so we waited outside. When it was time for his iv to be put in, that's when he sent us to get breakfast. Last week, when it was time for the needle, I was sent for a newspaper.
The time before that he sent me for a bagel for us to share.... He isn't so subtle with Zilly, he just tells him to "walk away" or "get lost". :) Anyway, it wasn't too interesting for Sam. He wanted to put the needle in, just to get a little revenge on Billy. Of course that didn't happen, so he just spun in circles on the little stool. We stayed with him til almost 10:30, then Zilly took the second half.

He is home and is as "pleasant" as he always is... yeah...no comment. I know it sucks, there is no other way to put it. He is in misery and its been getting worse on him with every treatment. There isn't really anything any of us can do, just let him vent when he needs to. And be there when he needs us. He will be up for calls tomorrow I am sure. He has his appointment in the afternoon for the dreaded "white cell shot". Hopefully that doesn't get progressively worse too.
I will try to write more soon, hopefully it will be a little more on the "up" sounding.
thanks as always for tuning in...

mid-cycle update

Not too much to report. Its been a fairly rough week. The first few days he was pretty sick, and of course he tried to do too much. Then the side effects from the "shot" kicked in. He was in constant pain. He couldn't even be hugged. I locked him in the bedroom a couple of nights, so he could get some good nights rest for once. The dogs, of course, stayed outside his door. I found him "free" fudgecycles. They are fat free, sugar free, lactose free and "something else"free. Sounds disgusting, but since his taste buds are messed up he doesn't know, and at least its something he can eat.

He tried to go to work so he could "earn his keep", that didn't go over well. He barely made the ride home in one piece. I raced home expecting to find him unconscious in the middle of the floor. He did make it to the bed, but he was shot. Slowly he is learning his limitations, yet he continues to fight them.

We had a nice dinner out with Tom and Vicky last night. It was the first meal he has been able to "taste" in quite some time. It is also the first time we haven't brought half of his dinner home to the dogs! (they were NOT pleased)

Just like his physical state is a roller coaster of ups and downs, so is his mental state. If any of you have come across this yet, here is my advice... Hang in there, he needs to vent and get it all off his chest, the good, the bad and quite often the ugly. Remember the "bad stuff" is often the cancer talking. Im know sometimes he feals as if he is the only one who "fears the worst". It is important that we all continue to keep those thoughts and comments to ourselves. Cry and shout in private, thats what I do. The added pressure and stresses are too much to add on him right now.

On a good note, his blood count was on point today. :) Next week, we will be at the half way point of chemo... cross your fingers, he gets his favorite nurse. Apparently the donuts and bagels he brings for the nurses isnt enough to keep them from their acts of revenge on him!

Vicky in Washington sent a website for some chemo t-shirts. I have to stay off the site, or I will become broke! I did get the shirt that you now see at the top of the web page. thanks vicky!

Something rather amazing took place on Saturday night that I wanted to share with you all. Many of my good friends decided to run a charity Texas Holdem poker tournament in my behalf to raise funds and support my cause. It was catered, organized and in my eyes a complete success. Afterwards I learned that these "knuckleheads" were able to raise several thousand dollars for my fight.....a staggering amount to say the least.

This was extremy humbling for me and difficult to accept but I am grateful beyond words.In addition my company for which I work joined the cause and collected another amount of money from my co-workers and owner Gene...again leaving me humbled and eternally grateful.

I am an old school kind of guy and have trouble accepting charity from people. I was told to swallow my pride or as Chez and Rocky put it "tough shit jerkoff you're taking it now shut up". They know how to put me in my place, always have and thats not easy I'm quite stubborn for those who haven't noticed.

In addition the get well cards keep coming and so do the well wishes and I thank you all so much. To my co-workers I thank you. To the card players I hope you all had a good time I know I did. The monies raised have changed my life and eased our burden at home and I can only hope to repay all of sometime when you need my help.. This alone gives me extra incentive to hang around this place for awhile so cancer better take a step back because I don't plan on going anywhere soon.

Finally while I thank you all a special mention needs to be made to Michael Byrne who donated so many raffle items at his own expense, to Franny Vitelli and his entire family for running card night at the church, to Rocky for recruiting his entire family for the game, to Duke for his extended generosity and Sal Sr and Jr for running the game, to my boy Chez for all the phone calls and Tony P for the racquets club donations and Sue from the pro-shop as well....and to everyone else involved.

To my brother Michael I love you man your my mentor and I look up to you and of course Wendy and Zill there are no words I'd be lost without you.

I wish everyone a great summer and hope to see you all along the way.

Humbled and Grateful, Thank you
Billy Scott

3 down - 5 to go

Well, here we are again. Billy got his favorite nurse today, so the iv insertion went well. (I think the other nurses are afraid of him. ) He was out of there just about before 1 and slept through a lot of it. They gave him extra "relaxing" medicine so he was fairly pleasant. I stayed until about noon, then Tom Zilly took over.

He did receive some bad news. It appears as though the doctor wants him to get the steroid shot the day after every chemo session. I am not sure which one he hates more. Hopefully, since the white cells don't have to come up so much, the pain wont be as bad as before... at least that's what we are hoping for. The other bad news, was that most likely Zilly will have more hair than him after this week...but as you all know, Billy will still be better looking.

Its about 12:30am, and he is wide awake. Yes, he has sleep aids, and NO, he wont take them. He has had enough drugs for one day! With all of the "rest" he got today, and the queasiness in his stomach, he just cant fall asleep.. I think we need more rain to relax him. He was able to eat dinner, so that's a good thing. (He skipped lunch because after chemo he made Zilly take him shopping so he could buy bird food...priorities....)

He does read every message y'all right, so keep them coming. I am sure he will send a message here soon.

chemo two 2nd update

Well, it's been a rough week so far. The shot they gave him for the "low blood count" has proven to have more intense side effects then the chemo itself. They gave him a shot that will help grow the white blood cells faster. He has intense pain in his joints, the bones and as of today his spine. Its very strange. Kind of like when you induce labor, it speeds up the process making everything more intense and painful. So, not to downplay in anyway, I think its like growing pains. They are speeding up the growth process and it makes the pain more intense. It is actually "worse" than that sounds, but its the only way I can describe it. He has many more side effects going on, but he is trying pretty hard to hide them.
It has been hard for someone so independent to have to rely on others, and so he still tries to do everything himself, then pays dearly for it. The dogs dont leave his side when he is home. Even when he naps in the guest room, they sleep outside his door.
He goes for his blood test tomorrow, but has nothing else until next week when he gets the chemo again. He is still hanging on to all of his hair, and is even sporting the ugliest little beard. I looked it up on the internet and it is called a "soul patch, or mouche"... If you see him, tell him how much you LOVE it, so he will shave it off! As he has told us all, several times.... "he just gets better looking every day"!
Next weeks' chemo will be Wednesday from 730am til 1 or 2ish.
If anyone needs info about this coming "saturday" email Chez. Or let me know and I will forward the info I have.... thanks as always!

2nd round of chemo 06/04

I apologise for not updating this sooner. Billy had his second round of chemo today. It wasn't a good one. When he arrived, it took the nurse 3 trys to get the IV in before he scared her out of the room. His nurse from last time came in and "finally" got it in on her first try. Needless to say, Billy was NOT pleased. For those of you who don't know, Billy doesn't exactly have a fondness for needles. I wouldn't be surprised if he brought a bag of oranges next time for the nurse to practice on , especially since he told her he would.....
This last weekend Billy felt pretty good. He got the "OK" from the doctor to play a little softball, and on Monday he was able to play with Phoenix Tube. What a great moment it was to see the light back in his eyes, and the true joy he gets from being on a ball field. He was able to pitch, made a few outs, and hit in the winning run. Unfortunaltey, as we have noticed, he does get very tired easily and it does take a physical toll on him. I will post a picture of it shortly. ... fast forward back to the present.
His day in the hospital was about 5 1/2 hours this time. As I was unable to be with him, Tom Zilly stayed with him the entire time along with a visit from Lisa and her mother. He also had several phone calls from friends to help take his mind off of things. "Thanks guys, for being there with and for him."
With the exception of sneaking off to take the dogs to the park, he has been home and in bed. He is not taking it as well as he did last time. But, I guess each time and person are different. Last time he was very out of it, and unable to really eat for a few days. This time he is in more misery, still somewhat "out" but was able to finally eat. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little easier.

**please take note** Billy's blood work revealed very low white blood cells this time around. He was put on an antibiotic, and will be going back tomorrow for some type of steroid or something. If you are going to be around him, please make sure you are not sick in anyway. He needs to try and avoid the sun, avoid infections and avoid illness... Your help is very appreciated.

as always, thank you for your "comments" and continued support.
wendy

Billy 1 chemo 0

Yesterday was day 1 of chemotherapy and I entered the program skeptical and less than enthused. My nurse spent the first 20 minutes explaining all the side effects the 4 different drugs they use have. There's the old favorites vomiting and diarrea, mouth soars, flu symtoms hot flashes, fever, body soars nausea and general tiredness. Then they add the hair loss,eyebrows, eyelashes and facial hair...nice. Then they discuss the possible weakening of the heart, lungs and liver and that was a joy. Now it was time for me to get up and take a walk to clear my head. I managed to force my way back to chemo central and sat in my recliner amongst the dozen other victims whom all seemed to be at peace with their plights while I was not, probably because I was day 1. As the IV was put into my vein and the poison eneterd my body I knew my life had been forever changed. Today I am a cancer victim and shortly I will be a cancer survivor. At least that is my plan. Regardless I know I'll always have that label "C" next to my name but you know what who cares. When I get back to 100 % I'll be back on the pitchers mound and I will be kickin all your butts all over again and how sweet will that be. After a long 7 hour day I wobbled home and had those 2 smiling faces waiting for me Joey and Jayne my 4 legged joys just dying to go to the park so off we went. I managed to keep the dogs minivan on the road enough to get us there and they had fun as always so it was worth it. Later I had a little soup and some tea and got some sleep but not much. I did not vomit,no fevers or shakes , other than general tiredness really nothing at all. Hence i feel like Day 1 I kicked chemos ass so it's Billy 1 chemo 0. Take that nurse Ratchet. Finally I want to thank all you guys who have been supporting me the phone calls mean so much. I have gotten many unexpected well wishes from old friends like Donny Mason, friends in Colorado, Virginia and North Carolina. Old high school friends like Diana and Robby Takelszyn.--oopponents like Stumpy and Jimmy Dowling thankyou. My close friends whom there are too many to name but you know who you are...thankyou. Wendy and Zill whom I'd be lost without you've both done so much. And my new friends rom Sloan Kettering Steve who has brain cancer and Domenica who has become my email angel...you stay cancer free for that beautiful family and for yourself you are such a kind heart and I thank you for the encouragement. And of course my brother and sisters you all have been great and no Jacqueline I'm not a dork you are. I love you all and I hope to be 100% by Thanksgiving. Next chemo is 2 weeks and I plan to make it 2 zip. We'll see.

Thank you Billy

And so it begins... chemo day 1

8 hours in the hospital today. Normally it wont be that long, or so they tell us. Billy was "needled" within the first 10 minutes of being there...The first part of the day was telling us what medicines he will be on and what it will do to him as far as side effects. Then what medicines he will take to combat those side effects, and what those medicines will do to him... that went over well. At this point he got up and walked away.. We thought he was going to make a break for it, and im sure he debated it, but he came back. Around 11am, 4 Iv's into it, they were just wrapping up giving him the medicines to ward off "some" of the side effects and allergic reactions he could have. Luckily by the time Tom Zilly got there to relieve me, some of the medicine they gave him to relax started to take effect. He was much more pleasant for the nurses. I dont know too much more since Zilly took the last half of the day, but I will report more as I find out. He is home now sleeping. He got out of the hospital around 4pm. He is tired and very "out of it". But he did ask me to bring him some wine :)

may 19

Not too much to report. Today Billy went for a PET scan. They put some chemical into him that makes him radioactive... nice.. He isn't allowed to "touch" anyone for 12 hours..It made him tired, and of course really hungry since he has been fasting. He is going Next Tuesday to get the "port" put in. This is some kind of device that they sew under your skin and has a catheter that goes into your veins. This will make the chemo enter him a little easier. (not a needle fan)
Wednesday will be the first round of chemo.. They say normally it takes around 4 hours, but the first one should be longer. They have to test a few of the drugs they put into him for allergic reactions before they can give him the full dose. Myself and Zilly will be tag teaming this appointment.

Sloan Kettering Update

Yesterday, Billy and his brother Micheal went to Sloan Kettering. Believe it or not, Billy was actually on time for his appointment, but had to wait in the lobby for 2 hours before his name was called... as you probably have guessed, this did not go over well. Fortunately, in the end it was worth it. The doctor at Sloan was very pleased with what Dr. Bedner at Hunterdon had said and recommended. Apparently the good doctors at Hunterdon are very up to speed with the latest treatment plans. Sloan recommended Billy to stay with Hunterdon for his Chemo treatments, but to come to Sloan in NYC for his radiation therapy. Radiation is very risky, especially when it is dealing so closely to the heart. It is better to go to the place that does it more often, and has the latest and greatest methods. We agree.
Now, we were worried that because we found the new lump Billy would be moved to stage 3.. Normally this would be so, however, because the lump is still "above" the diaphragm, he still remains stage 2. They also said that the form of Hodgkin's he has is one of the more aggressive diseases. But, believe it or not, this is good news. He said that the more aggressive diseases do better with chemo... a bit confusing, I agree.
So, this is the plan. Today Billy went to Hunterdon for a Pulmonary test. This is to test his lungs. He has to go blow into a tube. He does not have to have a bone marrow test, but he does have to have a PET scan. That is going to be done on Monday. Then on Wednesday of next week, he will go in for his first 4 hours of chemo. Chemo is scheduled to be 8 treatments. It is going to be administered once every 2 weeks, then he will be reevaluated. If all is well, then he will go to NYC for Radiation. That will be 5 days a week for 2 weeks.

the latest

Tomorrow Billy travels to Sloan Kettering with his brother Micheal. Having a "fresh" set of ears, and someone with more Knowledge of Nancy's illness should be of great benefit. He has an appointment for a pulmonary test (breathe in tube = test lungs) on Wednesday. Then the 21st is the first day of chemo. We tried today to have the chemo moved to this week. Unfortunately they need to wait for all of these test results before they can start the treatments. The need to move up was brought on by concerns from this weekend. He had troubling symptoms that weren't present before, along with an additional lump found on the other side of his body... Generally 1 lump is stage 1, more than one lump on the same side of the body is stage 2, lumps on both sides of the body moves you to stage 3... along with the additional pain and other symptoms, we would rather go sooner than later... ill post more on Wednesday after we hear what SK says..
thanks
w

log in name and password

We have found that many of you have a hard time leaving comments on the website. I have created a name and password you can use, you just need to make sure you sign your name after you post a comment, or all of the comments will be from me. Also, if you could leave your email addresses, Billy can write you back directly..
thanks
sign in name wendyrut@aol.com
password billyscott

this will save you all from having to register to leave a message.
thanks!

dr.'s update

We spent 5 hours today with the Oncologists at Hunterdon Medical Cancer Center. They were really good. They were very personalized, hands on and "to the point". We were only there for a consultation, but we were able to meet with both the oncologist, and the radiation oncologist. He went through another battery of tests, and have more scheduled for the days to come. It was to say the least, very mentally draining with a lot of information over load. Should he decide to stay at Hunterdon, his first Chemo treatment will be on the 21st. Next Tuesday we have a meeting with Sloan Kettering to see what path they would recommend, and to get a second opinion on his "slides".
Thoughts of Billy's sister Nancy weigh heavily on his mind and add a lot to his concern. But, his doctors and I are confident. They are projecting he will be taking chemo once every 2 weeks, for approximately 12 weeks. Then it is followed with 2 weeks of radiation every day. Then he is evaluated again...
as always, thank you for your prayers and support

treatment update

We have been in contact with Sloan Kettering. Unfortunately, due to stupid insurance regulations, Horizon Blue Cross of NJ isn't accepted at the NJ facility, only the hospital in New York. We have been assigned a doctor and are in the system awaiting contact for our initial consultation for treatment... Its been 2 days, so I will be calling later today to force an appointment...
On a side note, yesterday I contacted Hunterdon Medical Cancer center. So far this is where we have had everything taken care of. They are affiliated with FOX CHASE. (Sloan is ranked number 2 in the country, number 1 in the east... Fox Chase is number 11 in the country and number 5 in the east....) I was able to get a consultation with an oncologist scheduled for tomorrow, Thursday.. This will give us an idea of the course of treatment they suggest. We already know there wont be more surgeries, just chemo and radiation...

yes, we will still get a consultation with Sloan.... if I can ever get him an appointment...
thank you all for your help and well wishes so far, his spirits have been down of late...

I know everyone wants to offer support and just doesn't know how.. I did order 100 Live strong bracelets, in the color gray. They say "Scott 1" on them, as you know this is one of his team colors, and always his shirt number... they should be in tomorrow and I will get them out to you as soon as possible. I know this doesn't equal to "helping" but since there isn't anything anyone can do yet, at least we can show a unified support for him.
thanks again,
Wendy

My thoughts on cancer

I felt that I needed to shed some light on things that have happened so quickly. It's Sunday night and I realize that I am sick....and I'm angry about that. You see this is my life and I am blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful and good people. I've had friendships now that have lasted 40 years...and I'm only 47 so how lucky am I? The relationships I have are the foundation of my existance....translation meaning the people in my small world are everything to me and life means very little without all of you. That comes from my heart. Cancer now becomes a large part of my world and will dominate my routine and test my courage. It enters my world without invitation and thats unacceptable to me. I choose, It's the fundamental of my beliefs and now thats gone...maybe forever....and thats not acceptable for me.
So I have Hodgkins disease as so many others before me have had. Cancer doesn't scare me nor does the fight against the disease scare me. What does scare me is the thought of not being there for any of you that may need me spanning rom my family to my friends, to my ball teams to my dogs...not being able to work for my days pay.. being week....inept...useless...feeble...weak...these are my greatest fears. I'm a fighter and I have never had self doubt but cancer changes that for me...I'm fighting an opponent I can't see. You all should know I woke up today with the thought that I won't do the treatments..chemo and radiation, they're not for me. I watched my sister Nancy fight this disease for 2 years and fail...my father as well. But then I remember that you all count on me in some small way and you need me to be around as long as I can be...but please understand I don't want to be sickly, weak and bedridden so a compromise may be in order...so I will fight this fight for all of you..and we'll just see.. Please know that I am not scared of what lies ahead for me. I have had the pleasure of kindness, love and understanding from all of you and I take that with me everyday and I am greatful and do not take it for granted. I've done my best to return your love and trust in my own way. So tomorrow my fight begins and I will fight like hell...for all of you. Should I fail please know that I love you all..my family, friends and teamates who are like my brothers and mean so much to me....i've always" left it all out on the field" and this fight will be no different for me. I love you all and I'm greatful..Thankyou.

medical update

Hodgkins Lymphoma Stage 2

The rest of his body was clear, it is only in his neck and around the heart. It was recommended that we being Chemo and Radiation immediately. It does have one of the better success rates. I will write more, when I know more..
thanks
w

Not too much to report. Billy was going in today for his cat scan. It is a 20 minute procedure and he got to drink a really yummy shake that tasted like chalk. He tried to feed it to the dogs, but they wanted nothing to do with it. He has been doing fine. He is very sore from Mondays surgery and learned really quick what his limitations are. (not that he listened). He did make it to watch his little league team play ball, but couldn't stay long. The other dad's sent him home. He has been pretty tired lately, but still has his usual "cheery disposition". He does read his messages, so thanks for all your well wishes.

Here is the scoop

If you are on this website, you must already know that this last week Billy was told he had Lymphoma.... Many are wondering where this came from and what is the latest updates, here is the story.
As of late, Billy had been getting sick more often and feeling more tired than usual. We didn't put much stock into it, after all, he is getting older! A couple of weeks ago while driving, Billy felt a lump on his neck. He gave it one more week, then went to the doctor the Thursday before last.
She immediately scheduled an MRI for the next day. Unfortunately, while in the MRI the machine broke. He was rescheduled for the very next Monday. We received the results on Wednesday. He was told he had Lymphoma, with 2 masses on the neck and 3 around his heart. He met with the doctor the next day, Thursday, to go over the radiology reports. On Friday he was scheduled for the Biopsy. Friday's doctor gave him another exam and decided, instead of the Biopsy it would be better to take one of his Lymph nodes out. This would get him the best diagnoses.
Yesterday we went to Hunterdon Medical Center and had one of the Lymph nodes in his neck removed. The surgery was done as an out patient procedure and lasted about an hour. We then spent another hour in the recovery room before being sent home. As he became more aware, he asked for his Giants hat, some coffee and cookies. He also asked if he could bowl that night! The doctors and nurses were great, although I think he wanted to hit the nurse who put the needle in!
I have a lovely photo of him in his gown and little hat that I will post, if I ever figure out how. The results of the test should come in at the end of the week, beginning of next week at the latest. He is home and resting now. He is very sore and in some pain. He isn't allowed to lift anything for a week, or have a beer for 24 hours. (this was not pleasing to hear).
The next test will be this coming Thursday. He will need to go for a full cat scan of the body to find out if there is anything else that was missed.
He is doing fine at the moment. We are all optimistic. He wanted to coach his little league team tonight if the weather holds. Of course, this would be from a chair on the sidelines.
All of your well wishes have been very appreciated. Sometimes he feels like talking, and other times he doesn't, so be patient with him at this time. You can leave him messages on this website and I will make sure he gets them .... Thanks again for your love and support and I will continue to keep you posted on this website.